Words by Dakota Shaw

The sun was beaming and the air was hot, mirroring 17-year-old Elizabeth Hicks' heightened state of mind. Though it felt good to be outside after a long day of unpacking her bags, having recently arrived for her first-ever year at Trinity Western University, the fresh air did little to ease her nerves.

It was her very first day of practice with the Spartans women's soccer team. She walked up the concrete path and onto the sidewalk toward the field. Her muscles were tense as she took in a deep, albeit shaky breath. She was trying to focus on anything but her nerves, as her churning stomach threatened to erode any positivity.

Looming in front of her was a rite of passage – her first fitness test with the Spartans. It taunted her mind, provoking questions like, "Am I really good enough to be here?" This question overwhelmed her thoughts that day and would continue to do so throughout the years to come.

It hadn't always been this way for Hicks. Usually, soccer came as a source of pride and confidence. It was a comfort for her. Growing up in a sports-oriented family and having her dad, Michael Hicks, play for McGill University, it was the one thing she knew best.

However, Hicks looked at her new environment at TWU with fresh eyes and a curious mind. It wasn't far from home – the Langley-based campus resides just a short drive from her Surrey, B.C. home – but on this summer day in 2016, she found herself in foreign territory.

Everything happened so fast. Spartans coach Graham Roxburgh explained the instruction and then, with a heavy breath out and sweat forming in droplets on her forehead, it was time to go.

"Three! Two! One!" Roxburgh shouted, with a little pause in between each number.

With legs and arms flailing and flashes of different colours, Hicks started fast, with adrenaline coursing through her body and driving her first-year frame forward at full speed. It was an intense experience.

Hicks' teammates screamed encouraging words at each other and pulled each other along to help them finish as their bodies inched towards exhaustion. This was her first taste of what practices would be like and her first impression of what Roxburgh was like as her coach. Over her five years at TWU, they would come to know and understand each other and a deep respect between them would blossom.
 
There was a support system in strong place surrounding her that year. Her family, teammates and coach continued to provide encouragement and create a safe space in which she could learn and grow as an athlete. However, while her support system was strong, doubt and insecurities prevailed. Her self-worth was intertwined in sport and playing on one of the top university teams in Canada intimidated her. She questioned her worth and her abilities, comparing her young, firs-year self to her older teammates. As such, her heart and her mind were half in it and she wasn't able to play to her fullest potential. 

At the beginning of her second year she earned a starting role as a centre back on the Spartans vaunted back line. However, that year, in the fall of 2017, proved to be her most difficult season. The pressure she felt was immense and draining, and it affected her performance on the field. She carried a pressure-packed weight everywhere she went, which affected her playing, her friendships, her relationships and even her studies. It felt too much. It was as if her arms were getting weak, her fingers were slipping and she was about it drop everything. 

In the end, that's exactly what happened. Though her father's words of "Don't be so hard on yourself," and "Don't dwell on the negative," and "Live in the moment," rang through her mind, they weren't enough to extinguish the self-defeating thoughts.

At the end of her second year, the weight finally fell from her grasp. Her team had come back with only a bronze medal from the 2017 U SPORTS Women's Soccer Championship and they hadn't played as well as they had hoped. She came back from the national tournament with her confidence bruised more so than ever before. She felt tired and unmotivated. 

"This was it," she thought. "This was the end for me."

Roxburgh seemed to discern this. Although her faith in herself was faltering, his wasn't.

Roxburgh saw an incredible amount of potential in Hicks. He saw her becoming not just a good centre back, but a great centre back. He saw her maturing into an incredible leader. So, he asked her one very important and defining question before he laid out his vision for her: 

"This is where I see you getting, can you get there?"

This was a turning point for Hicks. She could visualize that weight on the ground and, with her teammates, family and coach surrounding her, they helped her pick up the weight. She finally understood and embraced the way a solid support system works.

The summer after that, in 2018, she flourished as a player. She was practicing every day, working on her fitness and, in turn, her confidence grew. 

"She would turn out to become one of most incredible centre back players in TWU history," Roxburgh says, remaining steady in his faith in her.

That fall, in her third year, she started all 13 games she played and scored a career-high four goals. Her autumn efforts put her in a position to earn a spot with Team Canada for the 2019 Summer Universiade in Italy. Hicks, along with TWU teammate and best friend Kristen Sakaki, helped Canada to an eighth-place finish in the 12-country tournament. 

Further, as her playing improved, her relationships with her teammates grew. 

With her fifth year in front of her, she ran yet another preseason fitness test this past August. On a warm summer day, her strength seemed to be faltering. Her team rallied around her. 

"You got it, Liz, come on!" 

These words were shouted by Sakaki, as she ran alongside her to the finish. 

"This is it, Liz, you're doing it!" The words were like a rope tied around her waist pulling her to the finish. When she was finished, she burst into tears of joy.

"I am more capable than I think I am," she said as she smiled, recalling the moment. Even until the very end of her time as a Spartan, she is still learning and growing.

Confidence, comparison and doubt can steal away from one's success. This was the biggest lesson she learned throughout her five years playing as a Spartan. 

"My confidence was low and I was putting a lot of pressure on myself," Hicks says. "It took away from playing, and just being free when I play, because when you play free, that's when you play your best." 

She said this with a gentle and sincere tone.
 
In another quiet moment, she looks back on her time with her team. 

She remembers playing in the Canada West championship game at home on a frigid November evening in 2018. When the final whistle blew, her team erupted. The victory marked the Spartans second straight Canada West title.

"It's basically 90 minutes of your adrenaline being high and high intensity so when you're finally done you just have this moment of relief that comes over you," Hicks says. "I just remember crying with my centre back partner, Brooklyn (Tidder, '20), just because we knew we accomplished something amazing together."

Out of this experience, Hicks, who is studying Education, learned gratitude and what it meant to be a part of a team. She carried on that wisdom to the national championship tournament that year, with her team coming in second. While she plans to return next fall to play her final year of eligibility – athletes did not use a year of U SPORTS eligibility in 2020-21 because the soccer season was cancelled due to COVID-19 restrictions - Hicks will cherish the soccer-playing memories of years gone by while also using them as motivation as her team will aim to bring the national title back to Langley.

There have been defining moments, and these were it for her: the growth, the small victories and the big ones, the way her teammates rallied around her in tough times, and the smiles she put on people's faces as she continued to be an inspiration to young first-year players coming onto the team.

It was that first day of the big fitness test, when she had no confidence to push herself forward. It was that last day of the big fitness test, when her self-confidence, combined with supportive teammates, pushed her to the finish line. It was her parents, who are both teachers themselves, who initially encouraged Hicks to pursue coaching and teaching and it was Roxburgh who continued to push her to pursue those dreams. It was the success, the victories and the key moments that shaped her into who she is today. But most importantly, it was all these things that drew her back to her love for the sport as she found her ultimate ability to play free.